Out of Time

I haven’t always been a cat.  I was, in fact, at one time a relatively happy human being.  Inside I still am one.  Thanks to that witch, though, I’m a cat to everyone else.  At least, I think it was the witch who changed me.  It might actually have been the cats themselves who transformed me to save me from the witch’s curse.  A little known fact if you ever happen to be in a magical duel:  curses aimed at humans don’t “stick” to animals.  Regardless of how it happened, though, I’m still a cat.

When a person becomes a cat, they learn some new things.  For example, that scraggly old cat I used to know at Mr. Fluffybottom is really a cat elder, Blazing Dawn.  He’s much more impressive now that I’m a cat.  Thankfully he seems to be more amused than annoyed by the name I used to call him.  He was the one to teach me most of what I know about being a cat.  I know that sounds funny, but being a cat isn’t as easy as it sounds.  I had to relearn everything I’ve ever known, from speaking to walking.  Hey, don’t laugh!  The whole tail thing really throws things off!  Anyways it was Blazing Dawn who first told me cats don’t operate on the same time continuum as humans.

To humans there is one day in a day.  Now while this may seem redundant and strange, it isn’t, not just yet.  In one human twenty-four hour period there are three cat twenty-four hour periods.  These three days, the Day of Light, the Day of Shadows, and the Day of Darkness are basically the human morning, afternoon and night, only much longer.  Cats live at a much faster pace than humans, that’s why we age so much faster.  We’re out of time.

This may seem crazy, or should I say crazier than what I’ve already told you, but for cats the first two days, the Day of Light and the Day of Shadows, are considered to be days of rest and relaxation.  Rest for what you ask?  Rest for the third day, the Day of Darkness.  That third day gets pretty crazy, and no one sleeps at all.  That’s why cats seem to sleep most of the human day; they’re recovering.

It’s only on the days off that you can people watch, and even with the need to catch up on sleep, most cats find some time to do it anyways.  The habits of people seem very strange to cats, especially the whole fake fur thing.  After I became a cat one of the first questions they asked me was why humans wear clothes.  I’ve thought about it for a long time and the only answer I can really come up with is the answer I gave them then: so they don’t get cold.  Clothes seem so stupid now, and if I ever become human again I might just join a nudist colony.  Or maybe not.  Naked humans are just as funny looking as clothed ones, or so I’ve been told.  Yeah, people watching has an almost sport like quality of seeing who can find the weirdest looking human of the day.

Speaking of weird looking humans, if you happen across a woman with black hair that’s looks like its streaked white with age, and she’s wearing a black dress with a large pointy collar, stay away from her.  She’s the witch that changed me into a cat.  She’ll change you too, she told me she fights people for fun.  She has a collection of spells that she saves for fights like that.  I think I was lucky with only being turned into a cat.  As a human I was only a minor wizard, just barely old enough to leave his master for the first time.  I don’t really remember much of what happened that day, and what I do remember is strange and scary.  That woman had me cornered, my back to a wall, my magic drained.  She was about to fire one of those special spells at me.  I braced myself, wishing I would disappear, but nothing seemed to happen.  Finally I opened my eyes.  Something definitely had changed about me.  The ground was a lot closer, the witch a lot bigger, and most importantly my allies a lot more numerous than I ever could have imagined.  While the witch moved slowly about cats jumped out of seeming mid air (some of them, hearing a summons, did.)  Now out numbered and defeated, the woman gave up and left me alone.  This was lucky for her as in the next several seconds more cats than I have ever seen in my entire life popped out of literally no where.  It took a few minutes to get everything straightened out.  The cats weren’t angry that I was joining them; in fact they weren’t even surprised.  This sort of thing evidently happens from time to time.  Blazing Dawn was appointed there in front of the Cat Council (who had shown up a few minutes after the warriors) to teach and protect me until he deemed that I could take care of myself.  I have the feeling that I am going to be with him for a good long while.  

I realize that I haven’t told you what happens on the Day of Darkness.  I probably should tell you because very few of even the most learned mages know what really goes on.  The Feline Wars have been going on for hundreds, probably thousands of years.  It is a conflict that is carried on by tradition, and has become a necessary part of the cat culture.  Their whole system of life would come to an end if the Wars were to stop.  They know because they’ve tried peace, several times.  The wars are always revived, though, usually by mutual consent from the participants.  You see, the combatants don’t hate each other, and usually no one gets hurt too badly.  Sure, there’s a nicked ear here and a crooked tail there, but those are more for show than anything.  I’ve even heard of combatants helping to heal one another if they accidentally get carried away.  Sometimes two cats of opposite sides will even live (relatively) peacefully, in the same house.  I asked Blazing Dawn how this could happen, and he told me that what I see now isn’t the real conflict.  It’s just a practice for the day when the cats shall have to unite and fight a common enemy, or be destroyed.  He wouldn’t say anything more about it though.

Oh dear me, I realize that I’ve neglected to tell you my name.  Actually it’s only a temporary name, but its all I have, unless you count my human name.  My original name was Iukif Kosa.  I know, weird, but I didn’t exactly get to choose it.  My temporary cat name is no less weird.  I am currently formally known as Little Oncehuman, though most cats just call me Oncey.  Some day I will have a more respectful name, but for now the cats think Little Oncehuman is most appropriate.  You see, cats are given their names during their first battle on the Day of Darkness.  The name they receive directly reflects how they perform in combat.  Until they have fought, however, they are called by the name given to them by humans, or a human like name given by their mother.  Because I never had any of these and my human name was deemed unsuitable by the Cat Council, I think it was actually deemed too hard to say, I am now Little Oncehuman until my first battle.  They say they add the Little because I have a slight figure, but I think they add it because I am thought of as just as annoying in my question asking as a kitten.  Those little guys never shut up unless they’re eating or sleeping, and even then there is the possibility that they will talk.  I personally ask many questions just because I have always been naturally curious.  In cat society, though, obvious curiosity is the mark of a kitten, or someone who can’t control themselves.  While in the future I might care about my social status as such, right now I care far too much about understanding my new world to bother with ridged, out dated customs (supposedly cat traditions haven’t changed in the past six thousand years.)  I need to know as much as I can about my new life before the day that will almost certainly change my life forever.