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October 27, 2005
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To this day I will swear to you that he is an angel.  Now granted, most angels donít have wavy red hair or honey brown eyes that you could just melt in, but he did.  He was a quiet man, one who you might not notice if you werenít paying attention.  It is said that he is one of the best healers the world has ever seen.  Iím quite willing to believe that, considering what I have seen him do during the relatively short time I have had the privilege of watching him.  Some people claim that he uses magic to heal his patients, but as of yet I havenít seen him use anything more than a bandage or a bundle of herbs to treat me.  He often bows his head, but it is a common practice for healers to pray to Ovven for guidance.  No, during the entire time he treated me, I never once saw him use anything that was definitively Ďmagicalí, and that is saying something.  Theron is quite possibly the only man other than my fellow soldiers that I have ever observed for a long period of time, and I have seen many men do magic.  I know what you are thinking, and no, I wasnít spying on him, in fact I really didnít have all that much of a choice but to watch him.  I was the patient, and he the doctor whose job it was to save my life.

I was just like any other case when I was brought into the Hall, just another warrior who had been wounded in battle.  The fact that I was female didnít even appear to register to him as he quickly assessed my wounds and set about treating them.  The speed and efficiency with which he sewed up the deep gashes on my legs told me that he had seen many wounded before me, and expected to see many, many more after.  If not for the infection that set in two days later he probably wouldnít ever have seen or remembered me again.  When he heard that one of the patients he had treated had become ill, however, nothing could have kept him away.  I think it was pride more than anything else that made him come back.  He wasnít about to let one of the patients slip through the cracks, especially not one of the patients he had treated.  Heíd worked too hard to give me up now.

Part of the oath he had sworn to become healer stated that he would try to help every person who needed him.  I definitely needed someone, not him specifically, but he did nicely.  He nursed me back to health, one agonizing day at a time.  My illness didnít relent for him willingly, either; it threw new symptoms, new emergencies at him as fast as he could fix them, growing and changing with each passing day.  I am sure I should have died many times, but he miraculously kept me among the living despite enough maladies to kill a small army.  I would at times be burning up with fever, then at others so cold many were sure I had already died.  He never stopped believing that he would save me, though.  He never gave up hope that he would find a cure for the mysterious plague that wracked my body and sapped me of even the strength to speak.  All I could do was watch him.

Being unable to speak was a horrifying experience.  I couldnít tell anyone when I felt another wave of the disease about to wash over me.  I couldnít tell them what was wrong with me, or even when something was terribly wrong.  All I could do was plead silently with my eyes, my tears, and hope that someone would understand what I was trying to say.  He always understood.  Many times he was the one who first saw that there was something not quite right, and many more he was the one who made it right.  Nothing made him loose that calm demeanor that seemed to be his trademark, not hysterical nurses, nor seriously ill patients.  Not even the unexpected death of one of the patients he had thought was recovering well could make him do more than sigh.  I lay on that bed for months, and not once did I see him anything but professional.  The only time I ever saw him even slightly flustered was on the day I was finally strong enough to sit up on my own.  I hugged him as I thanked him for taking care of me.  I think it was only then that it finally sank into him that I was a girl.  His slightly red tinged face could have been from something else entirely, though.  Maybe he was allergic to the soap they washed me with.

Iím writing now, five years later, to try to say thank you.  I want to say thank you to the Hall for giving up the best healer the world has ever seen to a common foot soldier.  I cherish every day he is with me, both in my heart and physically.  After he left he worked in the field until the end of the war; always there to treat my regiment first when we came in from a dayís hard won battle.  The war has been over three years now, and we have spent that time together.  He is a wonderful father; he never gets flustered by anything the children do, even the twins, who can be quite a handful.  Heís usually the first one to see a problem, and most of the time he fixes it before if can get out of hand.  And he always knows what to do for a scraped knee.  Thereís never a time that he is anything but wonderful.  He is my angel.
Yeah I know its short, but I had a one page limit, and I wanted to include the picture I drew.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE COMMENT!

I need to send this off as soon as I can, so if you can point out any errors/weak spots/places you know I could do better it would be VERY much appreciated. I want this to be as close to perfection as I can manage.
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
:aww: =D :clap:
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:iconkuroinami:
kuroinami Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, thanks^^;
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome! =D
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:icongifts-raemanzu:
gifts-raemanzu Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2005  Student Writer
That is beautiful, a really great story for having to be so short, and it seems really sincere and just...really great.
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:iconkuroinami:
kuroinami Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, thanks, hopefully the college will think so too *crosses her fingers*
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:iconsynthwrr:
synthwrr Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2005
Yo yo, here I am. Most of the people pointed out the biggies, but I'll bring them up again just to make sure, alright?

... and he the doctor who’s job it was to save my life.
Missusage: "who's" -->whose

If it hadn’t been for the infection that set in two days later he probably wouldn’t ever have seen or remembered be again.
Typo: "be" --> me

My illness didn’t relent for him willingly, it through new symptoms, new emergencies at him as fast as he could fix the one before it.
Punctuation: "willingly," --> willingly;
Missusage: "through" --> threw
Comment: For some reason, this sentence kinda throws (not "throughs" =P) me off. I get what you're saying, but you might consider rephrasing to make sure it doesn't stand out too much to the reader. When the reader starts going over a sentence to try to figure out what exactly's bugging them about it, it probably means you should say it a different way, even if there isn't exactly a problem with it.

I’m writing now, five years later, to try to say thank you, not thank you to him, he’s with me, both in my heart and sitting beside me.
I'm probably being overly nit-picky here, but to me, this sentence has way too many seperate phrases. Again, if the reader starts going through the sentence to figure out what's bugging them about it, you should probably rephrase. I get what you're saying in this sentence, but it could be better structured. "It's been five years, and I'm writing now to say thank you. Not to him again, because there'd be no need to write a thank-you to someone that is so near to me, both in my heart and in my house. I'm saying thank you to.... " blah blah blah. But you get what I'm saying. It sounds like you've got at least 3 sentences in that one sentence, and the structure really throws me off.

I hope I was helpful!
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:iconkuroinami:
kuroinami Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for your comments and corrections, they have been a huge help. I'll be putting up a final corrected version sometime later today. Final meaning that is what I am submitting. I wish I could submit some of my longer work, but this is going to have to do...
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:iconsynthwrr:
synthwrr Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2005
Yah. Best of luck for your college application! (that's what this is for, right?)
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:iconkuroinami:
kuroinami Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, and yeah this is for the college application.
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:iconkismet-neko:
Kismet-Neko Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2005
Aw. A lovely story, duck. I would mention the slight spelling errors, but I feel they've been sufficiently commented upon. Your writing style is, as always, very well flowing and very detailed, though, might I suggest looking up some synonyms for your more frequently used words.
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