A letter to someone I love

I said goodbye so that we could both start again.  Which, of course, begs the question of why am I sitting here crying, wishing that hadn’t been our last conversation?  I wish we could have ended on a happy note, one where I could have made you laugh, or at the very least smile.  But of course, I messed it up.  I couldn’t finish what I was trying to say; I paused too soon.  I didn’t tell you how I liked the way you laugh at my lame jokes, or make up random thing just to see if you can make me giggle.  I didn’t tell you how proud I am of you.  In your life there have been so many trials and tribulations, and yet somehow you’ve managed to work through each one, pushing on to the better things you know are ahead.  I know that it can be so hard to see through the pain life can give us, but right now I think that your vision is just about 20/20. You will be able to look back on this one day and see just why we went through this point in our lives.

You are strong, physically and emotionally, even if you don’t think you are.  It’s that strength that will get you through this, its just one more rung on your latter of experience.  And while I really don’t like belittling our time together like that, I’m not sure how else to think of it right now.  No, the world isn’t over, and one day soon both of us will find that our tears have dried, and that we can once again sleep through the night.  

I can only hope that the time we spent together wasn’t, as you put it, a waste.  I’d like to think I was able to give you something, even if that was only the knowledge that you can be, and are liked.  You have so many friends, and sometimes I wish I could have spent time with them, just to watch all of you goofing off together.  I hope that you will also realize that one day, God willing, you will find the right person, just waiting out there for you.

I have to tell you, no matter what you say, love is not impossible.  It is, however, very difficult.  I know that I tried to explain it to you, and failed.  One day, though, I think you will be able to see what I was trying to say.  Love will see you through, no matter how clichéd that sounds.  When you finally understand what it is I’ve been trying to tell you all along, you will know how I really felt about you.

I guess that I still love you, but it’s not the same as before.  Somehow, without me even noticing it, it seems, my feelings towards you have transformed.  While this is going to sound horrible, I have to say that my feelings towards you are more of how a sister should feel than a lover.  I still love your jokes, your teasing, basically everything about you.  I just don’t think I love them in the same way I did before.

I still love you, I’ll miss you, and I dearly hope that we can still be the best of friends, despite what happened today.  Please, try to remember that tonight and as you go throughout your life.

Thank you for everything, and goodbye.